Sunday, September 23

How autistic am I on a scale?

I first learned about autism from a television program in the early 90's. I had just started dating Andreas and recognised the behavior immediately. The boy with autism they were doing a documentary about had almost the exact behaviors as Andreas. I didn't find his behaviors particularly odd at the time, since I could relate to much of it myself; as wanting everything very organized. When I told him about the tv programme and that I thought he had autism, he became very upset. This was not something he wanted to relate to, as being a 'mental case', but years later he gave me right and realized it was indeed what he had. A high functioning form though. I ususally adapt quite well to new surroundings, don't get panic attacks and those sort of common autistic traits, so my relation to the autism spectrum is quite light and curious. Whenever I realise I display autistic traits I become self conscious and a bit embarrassed, it can be as overly explaining things in detail,  reading all the license plates on cars or wanting to be alone. This might sound normal and not within the autism spectrum at all, except for the license plate reading. They even meantion that in the Netflix series Atypical that I just finished watching and therefore started thinking about this again. My licencese plate reading is not compulsory though, it's not something I 'must' do, but just enjoy doing. I see them as universal messages transmitted though time and space. I could write an entire book based on license plate reading. Perhaps I should, that would be so much fun. Someone will probably steal this idea now when I'm telling about it, but you can never do it like I do anyway. It can become a new genre of litterature for the extra evolved humanity,  Or,perhaps I'm just empathetic and adapting or mimicking behaviors around me. Identity is after all a floating and changeable concept. People change, grow, learn, evolve, move, get rid of traits and people that don't serve them anymore and change appearance after fashion and whim. That doesn't mean they are schizophrenic either.
I wonder what that diagnosis is called, if there is a name for it; empath, chameleon or Mystique. Metamorphosists? I suppose if you are open and cautious at the same time and search for the common ground of communication, it which requires a certain level of acceptance and adaptation to the others behavior. The autistm spectrum becomes visisble in my research, art and general pedantry. What stresses me in research is when I don't have time to indulge my pedantry and develop reasoning around every single little detail. Also in art, I never leave a painting without every part of the surface of the paper or canvas being filled or deliberately left empty. Then again, I can just drop all that, stand above it and do whatever I want. Mental blocks are meant to be crushed.

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