Wednesday, February 15

That was that.

No Valentines. Feeling a bit sick anyway though, so it didn't really matter. My dislocated shoulder and twisted ankle from last weekends going out hasn't healed yet either, so I'm not much fun to be around at the moment. This time of year brings back horrible memories too, of fear and helplessness from death, abuse and blind hatred.  I wish nobody to suffer the same horrors. Those memories will never fade away. I understand how wars begin. Like this. Fear of repercussion triggers a spiral of events that easily could spin out of control. Rumours pass as truth for the gullible, those who want to believe.  I fear it will happen again, that they will create a monster of their image of me. Their fearful fantasies knows no limits. The trauma repeats itself. I'm just a normal person. It it Halloween yet?
The predators works proactively and prevent detection by ponting fingers at the victim:
- She's the crazy one. I have evidence from when she was five and told a story about...
- She said no to me, that's proof enough.
- She changed.
- She stopped coloring her hair red. 
- She stopped wearing weird clothes. 
- She stopped talking to me.
Coming from the people who commited crimes against me, now working actively to clear their reputation by spreading manufactured stories "fake news" about my so called insanity.  People use mental illness as a weapon. Anyone can be a target of this kind of manipulation, to be pointed out as crazy. With enough smoothtalking abilities society, doctors etc can be convinced that you are dangerous and must be locked up. As far as I'm concerned I migth have slight autism, not hereditary, but socially induced by being bulllied my entire life. I have just given up on trusting people again. I merely see them as walking bags of flesh I need to get along with on a basic level in order to survive. Minimalize any kind of unnecessary interaction. 

I watched this story about a girl. It made me think: this could have been me. 

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