Friday, October 7

Talked to an ex.

I have strained my back so bad that I can hardly move.  Like someone has posted on Facebook, "who's got my voodoo- doll"?

He's still deep into all the new age mumbo jumbo: "you attract what you think and feel", "I can't help you "( that's a a new popular phrase) and so forth.  It's excuses constructed to let go, say farewell, to not care, basically like saying : "Not my problem, bye." Well, the important sentence in that conversation was: " I'm sorry that you keep on attracting psychopaths."

This ticked me off. Am I to blame myself for this? Is it my fault that I attract psychopaths?

If I attract psyhcopaths, am I doing something in particular to actively allure them and what would that be? I'm not a psychopath myself. If you check up the psychological criteria that defines a psychopath, you will not find me there. I'm way too emotional for that. I try to keep the lid on while in public, but in private I'm the type of person who cares for animals, laugh easily and cry easily. I have even been accused of wearing my heart on my sleeve, very easy to hurt, like taking candy from a kid.

However, I started thinking if there might be any truth to this "law of attraction" and what the actual mechanism behind my magnetism for psyhcopaths is. The only logical answer would be that I'm raised by psychopaths (my father excluded) and therefore have been programmed from early childhood to send out signals of belonging to that particular group of people. Because that's what children do, they adapt their behaviour to be accepted by their parents in order to survive. I think this is the key, but how do I change that? Is it possible? Does it matter? Is everything too late? My hair is already gone, no haircut in the world can save it now.

I don't know how to change that, but I will find out.

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