Tuesday, April 8

I'm old and boring.

Now even uglier than before. I know, you're not supposed to trash yourself, but since everybody else is avid about it I might aswell join in.
When you reach old age, as I consider 44 to be, you have a crisis.  It's compeltely natural, but that doesn't justify wrongdoings against you. People can't write off assaults as "she's having a crisis", because you still react. I haven't gone completely catatonic you know. If you hit me, I hit back. I still have semi-mobility in my otherwise decaying carcass.

If you have a burn-scar or a giant mold or similar, then it's seen as beautiful, but if you get a saggy face from an assault on your jaw, then it's not pretty. Because it' not obvious what caused it, it just looks like old age, but you're too young to look that old. And the other side of the face looks 20 years younger.

When you're already in a bad place in life and more terrible things keep happening, everything seems totally hopeless. Nothing is funny anymore.

I got a call from a Belgian gossip magazine the other day and the questions they ask reminds me that nothing has changed, people still have it firmly stuck in their minds that I enjoy evil and torture. I really do not.
The reason I said that in those early interviews was because of shock. I played along with the role they gave me.

I'm tired of people thinking they are doing a great job by punishing me for something I'm completely innocent of, because they don't have the facts, they don't have the insights, they have nothing and by continuing to attack me they feel they are suddenly something.

I'm just an old woman living with my cats, on welfare, single with no ambitions left whatsoever.  I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. This planet keeps dissapointing me big time.

All of you celebrities who think you are cool by making sublime KOSMONAUT PLANEMO references, you are not. You are cheap cowards mooching on my creativity, stealing my ideas.

Yes, I am bitter. Because everything is too late. All is ruined.  The bullies won.

Maybe I have diabetes and am suffering from some sugar palsy.

I will probably end up in coma and the cats will start to eat of my body.

That would make you even happier, right?

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