Monday, February 19

At the end of the day

The original
 The digital version

It's terrible how some companies can trick old people into buying stuff they don't need. My uncle had two broadband subscription, but no computer and not even a connection, cables or anything. He had three phone subscription, allthough he only used prepaid cards. Four subscriptions on newspapers and magazines. Possibly five subscriptions on different lotteries. He had insurance that covered the plumbing that needed fixing, but probably didn't know about that. He hired people several times to get it fixed but apparently the problem was insoluble, but money was good.  

Sunday, February 18

Post single awareness day agenda

On Valentines Day aka Single Awareness Day you automatically dump any flirts or amorous objects of interest due to lack of concrete proof of mutual interest.  It's like the one time of the year where it's allowed and perfectly accepted to express your feelings for a secret love or someone you have been considering dating for a while. Ok, I was at a funeral, but I didn't even get one cute private message from anyone. Instagram public flirting doesn't count. If you post a kissy picture on Instagram, it's for everybody, not me personally. Nobody sent me any chocolate, roses or perfume either. So, I went back to Tinder. No delusions here. Reality checker number one. Before on Tinder I swiped right on everybody without even looking at the picture, to maximize my option. This practice my son said was despicable, that I was giving them delusions and handing out false pretentions, which might be true. So this time around I'm only swiping right on the hotties. Some might look hot at a first glance though, but then when you start chatting with them and look at additional pictures, the interest fades. Then there are some that I have chatted with before who are still here, and it's like..oh, you haven't found anyone either? I guess we're both just too ugly. Well, when I come to think about, I had a whole bunch of dates on Valentines Day, all the people who came to the funeral. One even took a photo of me. Anyway, I just talked to a woman on the phone about love and she said:
- You can't hurry love, don't throw the pig in the lake.
I was supposed to give her advice, but she said this to me. Just now while I was writing this. I suppose she meant that one shouldn't give up and throw someone away just because they weren't ready to express their feelings on Valentines Day. I know that, but still, some people are such cowards or pigs according to this lady.

There's plenty of pigs in the sea.

I just remembered when I went to see a psychic myself while I lived in Stockholm. Could have been around the millenium . She told me she saw a lion standing on my left side.

Youtube is better than Tinder, more information.


This one was a bit more difficult, because it has so many brush strokes that it's impossible to do it justice in a magnified version. If you zoom into it the surface looks like gold. It's abstract, which means it's up to you what you see.

The original

The magnified version

Love the A-line dresses, everything looks good on them. 

I did a monochrome version of it as well. Looks a bit like ghosts, creatures, dancing or grabbing eachother. Or if you turn it...a wolf eating on something.

Saturday, February 17

A few days early

I made a photoshopped new version of an old painting of Andreas. I think it's pretty well done, from 400 x 300 px to 13000 x 11000 px and it still looks like the same image, only better. One has to take time to be creative too.

The orginial. 
Dry pastel on paper size A3.

The new version. 

This one was funny. It's dick o' clock. 😂

So sweet and sad

Friday, February 16

I'm a big fan

Of synchronicity. Not the film, or series, or whatever, but the actual occurence. Like with the rats. Yesterday I cleaned out my uncles cabin from 10 rats, for real. Dead though, but still. Today when I got home to the city and turned into my neigbourhood, I saw a big black rat running from the door next door to mine. Not the actual next door apartment, but the next door entrance to the house, on the back. I had to stop and look where it went. Big black rat. It went to the pile of pipes stacked on the snow covered lawn. There it hid until I left with noisy stroller. It looked more like a pet rat than a wild one. Considering the size and that it was coming from the house. Maybe someone got tired of their pet rat and let it outside, in the cold winter to freeze or starve to death. One of my ex boyfriends ex girlfriend did that. They had rats, a whole bunch of them and when they split up she decided to let them out in the wild, to become free rats. The poor animals probably got eaten up right away. Domesticated animals don't know what to do if the fridgeopener dissappears. Uneducated people often think that all animals survive automatically in the wild, allthough they never set a single paw there before.

Anyway, when we ( my uncles former coworkers drove me out there and came and got me late at night) drove back to town, we saw that cars had stopped along the way and a deer was lying on the road. It was lying with the legs curled up underneath and was alive. Maybe it had gotten hit by a car and was just dizzy? Which brings us to the topic of cars. I searched for the car keys to my uncles car for an hour or so through the massive amount of carbage that he apparently collected. Found them and was happy, cleaned out the car from stuff and then continued with sorting garbage again. Was sure I had the car keys in my pocket. Then when I looked they weren't there and I just couldn't find them anywhere. It occured to me that they must have ended up in one of the garbage bags. My head was spinning from the notion that I might have to look through them all empty the entire bin, or that keys were lost forever. I remembered I sorted the stuff from the car in particular bags and searched through them while praying to God, the Director or whatever deity that rules over these matters to help me find them. And there they were, in one of the bags, mixed with garbage and other weird car stuff that I have no idea what they are good for. I could not believe my luck. Then today, a friend on Instagram reported the almost exact thing. Weird that something so particular happens to two people almost simlutaneously, that know eachother as well. Maybe it's common for people who handles car keys, what do I know. I'm a complete novice in that area. The question now is, how fast can I get a drivers license? Last time I tried my application got stalled until it expired. They kept asking for more optical exams and each new one I sent in was insufficient. 

Speaking of the director again btw. My son stated the obvious that has passed me by: the Swedish word for the director is 'regissören', which includes my uncles name Sören in the end. Poetic. Wonder if that was intentional from the priest or just another synchronicity? Some people are startled when synchronicity occurs, but for me it happens all the time. It could be that my mind notice these things out of habit and it has become a practice. It's no use questioning why or apply deepers meanings to them (because that would merely be an introvert exercise of what dwells within), it's just how reality is constructed.

One more thing. Andreas always used to insist we sycnhronize our clocks, or wrist watches. I thought it was silly. My time is my own, but he insisted. In four days he's been dead for 13 years.

Thursday, February 15

Ten rats or more

Tis what I found on the floor. 
Three had drowned in a bucket. 
None of them from Nantucket. 
Sorting waste all day
Tis forbidden to mixing
Filled the bin to the brim
The plumbing needs fixing
The trees need a trim
Me, I needs a handy bae
Seven hours I worked
Not even once I twerked


Wednesday, February 14

That was that

Now the rest remains. 

Bought three pairs of rubber gloves, a bag of cheese doodles and some chocolate. Tomorrow it's clean-up day at the croft. Plus making an inventory, look up all his papers, fetch the mail from the neighbours and then hopefully get on the last bus back to town. If I can find my way in the dark. Really wish I had a drivers license right now. Now that I need it. Maybe I can buy a moped at least, so I can get to the highway. 

The funeral was really nice. About 15 of his friends and former colleagues came. Some of them had worked with him for 35 years. He had a routine with one of his friends to eat dinner every wednesday out on a restaurant. ..and one day he didn't show up
- He showed me your letters from Africa.
He said.
- He always spoke his mind.
One woman said.

I did sing too. A slow version of Carolas 'Stranger'.

The priest was also a bit special. He talked a lot about Christian values and that Jesus is waiting, which is completely according to funeralistic discourse, but then he thanked the Director for making it all possible.

In the paradoxical spacetime continuum you never know what you did, where you are or even who only that everything is possible, but I know one thing: director is a word I can identify with.

Sunday, February 11

Crime as a social experiment

Today was not a great day. I was sitting in my couch working on my home exam and suddenly I hear gun shots. I run to the window in my bedroom and see a man lying on the ground grabbing his leg and screaming:
- Call 911! Help me, I have been shot. There is blood everywhere. Come on then, come and help me to put pressure on the wounds.

I saw people standing outside on their balconies and a man was walking around him holding a phone. I assumed he was calling 911. Then a woman came running to help the guy and after that a few more gathered around him. After a while the police came. Two cars. They rushed towards him and helped him get his jacket off. Perhaps to check for furhter damages. Then they fetched an orange blanket that he could lie down on until the ambulance came. It took a very long time for the ambulance to arrive. Many people had already gathered at the scene. The police put up plastic straps around the trees surrounding the area. When the ambulance came they put him on a stretcher and carried him in. The policecars stayed and more arrived. The entrance to my house was cordoned and then they went knocking on all doors requesting testimonials.

I was standing there in my window wondering what I should do. If I should call 911 myself or run down to help him. I did neither. I was a silent bystander.  I assumed the guy with phone was already calling and other people has already gathered around to help the guy. But it took time before they dared to approach him. Which is why I considered running down. But the shooter was still at large and for what I knew could be standing outside my door. Instead I called my son. He was shopping for shoes.

I fetched my binoculars to get a closer look at the guy, but he kept his face hidden. All I saw was a short haircut and a grey hoodie. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't someone I knew, but I didn't look long enough to find out and he was not fatally injured either. They had shot him in the legs. Later in the evening a policeman came knocking on my door and I told him what I had seen.

When I was standing there in my window and looking I was wondering if it happened for real or if it was an enactment, a play or a stupid joke. Like a drill to test people, how they react. A social experiment. Very trendy apparently. Well, I hope this won't lead to more shootings. That whatever dispute this stemmed from is settled now. According to the local newspaper he victim was a known criminal and there was money lying on the ground beside him. Maybe he was about to make a deal and instead he got shot. Strange though, all of it.