Wednesday, November 14

Madonna is wrong

Romanticizing guns and violence. Ti am(m)o. Yes,right. Portraying the woman as a whore. What's wrong with this world? There are guns everywhere all of a sudden. Where do they come from? There are gang shootings in Swedish small towns almost on a daily basis, knife cuttings and rapes. Pregnant women are gettings their bellys stabbed. This is sickening. Absolutely nothing beautiful about it. Stop.

Tuesday, November 13

Should I wait up?

Or are you coming tomorrow...Zlatan? I saw he was looking for me in the audience. Sorry babe, it didn't even occur to me to look for tickets.  Whenever there's an event, concert or whatever that I would have wanted to attent, I won't go if I'm not especially invited. Vampire code. No, I actually had an important meeting today, then a lecture after than, then work, so the day has been full in every aspect. But I actually looked at the Fotbollsgalan on the net. At the exact moment Zlatan came into the picture the phone rang, so I had to watch it all again after the live broadcast. That's how dedicated I am to my subject of interest. There were a lot of northern Sweden associations on the show. The dialect was heard frequently and then the performing woman in a blue glittery pyjama with the weak voice.  I think my ex drew her album cover, the one where it looks like she's sitting and front of a house. I said it then, that she had zero charisma, and that still holds. Wonder why they asked her to perform? The other singing woman, who sang the national anthem, wore one of my old dresses. I thought I left that one in Chicago, or it looked more like the Lady of the lake dress. The whole thing was a bit like a farewell to the exes and my past selves, all of those I dumped. I'm happy fooball- Sweden helped me with that. It was way more than they deserved though, but I assume the intention was to relate to my life and in this case my past. That is my solipsistic apprehension anyway. So according to the alphabet we are now at X, then I ask Y and then...I bet he's not going to show up,  If he does, I promise I will shave off my hair. I swear. I have no classes until Thursday though, so time wise I have a window. It was quite entertaining watching those football women walking around in high heels. I don't wear high heels anymore, it's not worth the risk. Imagine how it is for them then, who use their feet professionally and risk their livelihood because of oppressive dress code from last century. That's the big Y?

Sunday, November 11

Father's Day

Today it's Father's Day in Sweden. As you all know my dad died in 2011, but I still him miss very much and talk to him every day. After my dad died, my uncle became the one I called on Father's Day and whenever I felt time had gone too long without talking. In our family we have, believe it or not, telepathy. We never been much to actually speak out loud, except when needed. When spoken it was not because of the importance of the words, but the sound of the voice, to have something to remember the day the body was not alive to produce it anymore. The sound of the voice is important. Think about that next time you hears someone speak. The words might be very nice or even horrible, but the feeling you get from the sound of their voice is what reveals their intentions.

Regarding telepathy, some schools acknowledge it, others don't. Those who have something to hide are of the latter, out of fear of being revealed of course and wants to stigmatize people with open senses as insane for 'believing' in telepathy. While much research has been done about the interconnectedness of body/mind/language/emotion with the conclusion that without a certain amount of telepathy communication itself would be impossible, that knowledge has not been accepted by the fearful. Who hasn't experienced thinking about someone and then suddenly that person calls or shows up? Me and my grandmother had the most amazing telepathic connection, we always knew when the other was about to call, or when something was wrong. Maybe telepathy is stronger within biological families?

Anyway. I had many fathers in my life, or father figures, both good and bad, mostly good though. The worst was my stepdad of course, as he was a pedophile. Can't get any worse than that. I also remember my former 'father in law' today, the cabin in northern Finland that he built and the nature up there.  And all my other fathers, dead or alive.

I dreamt about my real dad this night. It was a powerful dream. He took me out to the middle of a vast ocean where the enormous waves were colliding. I was afraid of the big waves at first as they were enormous. We weren't in a boat or anywhere actually, just there, above the ocean, as shapeless and invisible beholders, as ghosts. Untouchable by the forces of nature, enjoying its splendour.

Friday, November 9


I feel bad for that little Swedish boy with Down syndrome that had been missing for days and was now found dead. When they first announced that he was missing I looked closely at his picture and really tried to tune in to what had happened. The image I got was taken from the image on the pair of trousers he was holding in his hand, which showed a man in a hoodie leaning forward. This produced images of abduction, a blue car and an apartment. I hoped the abductor would let him live, but after the second day I got the feeling that he was dead. I hope I'm wrong about the abduction, that it was just that image on the trousers that fooled me. Maybe he saw something in the forest that he started chasing after and then fell into the water and that's when the dog ran back home. 

Thursday, November 8


When you are reminded by something upsetting from the past and have to deal with it. It hurts to be reminded, because it makes you upset again. How you handled the upsetting issue in the past is a reflection of yourself at the time. I often confronted issues, and still do, with humour and irony, reflecting how others viewed me, or how I perceived others viewed me in relation to the upsetting issue. These are from five years ago.  This media event ( the upsetting issue) and how it affected my life can be compared with how the nazis affected Germany or apartheid affected South Africa. The stigma will never go away.

Wednesday, November 7

Sleep deprived

Sitting up all night with a home exam and then going to school early in the morning. There was one day in between, when I slept after sending in the exam in the morning, but then the whole sleeping rhythm was already distorted. I'm hoping for an early night today. Really starting to miss the gym though, and today is Combat day, but I must sleep. Zzzzz...oh yes, Zlatan. Haha. I wonder if the uses his 'flirt' with the Swedish football team as a metaphor, or analogy for something else.  There was an interview in Aftonbladet where he said something like ( sorry, too tired to post link or check references) ' They called me and I said no right away. They could have offered me anything; world championship, European championship, Swedish championship, or just one game, it would still have been no.' This is not an actual quote, but the content of what he said.  Anyway. think about it, ' She called me and I said no right away. She offered me everything;  marriage, a relationship, an affair or just a one night stand, I still said no. '. I never called, I swear to Satan ( been watching  Sabrina on Netflix).  I would never crawl like that for a man anyway, but it was a funny analogy. He's just dreaming I did.  Hm, but he did say something earlier about wanting to achieve, to feel needed. I can think of two ways he can achieve in my life:

1. Give me an orgasm
2. Contribute to science and the environment by sponsoring my research (currently in plastic pollution)

Tuesday, November 6


Read this. The image is an artist interpretation of the light reflections received from the object. Apparently the shape is based on data from telescopes and there is no actual image of it. Well, it accelerated just after leaving our system, so the appearance and spinning movement could have been camouflage, or a light sail. It was just here for three days in October last year.

The Space Council is silent about this, no messages received. They are more interested in how humanity handles this UFO, what discourses it becomes a part of.

I'm not sure how this music video relates to the topic, but it caught my attention, as in was suggested on YouTube. Well, you know that cows moo, right? Oumuamua sounds like an  elongated onomapoetic moo. This video that I don't know the intentions behind, but for me represents the cruelty towards animals in the slaughter houses and transports, that animals are also people, but in different garment, people that have been mistreated for too long and will not be 'our kind' any more.
We have ravaged their planet, taken them capture, breeding, abusing and killing them for food we don't actually need.