Monday, November 19

Trashed laptop

Today I got my laptop trashed at school. No, I'm not in junior high, at the master education at the university, in Sweden. Went for coffee during the afternoon break and left the laptop, just as everyone else did, in the classroom. Trusting the people in the class not to touch it. I left my bag too, and coat. When I came back I didn't notice anything until I tried to close it and then saw the damages. I had a bus to catch so didn't want to stop everyone and accuse them for vandalism. I'm sure someone saw something. If it was an accident then there is no reason to keep quiet about it. If not, then I understand the silence. But why would anyone deliberately trash my laptop? Jealously? Of what? Resentment of some kind. Maybe they have read something about me in the news and gotten the wrong idea, or the person is mentally ill, a psychopath, and does this to other people regularly. I don't know. Or the person is too ashamed to admit the accident. Or unaware of smashing the table up against the chair with the laptop jammed in between, or jumping up and down on it. Sleep trashing? Coma vandalism? It's just one year old, the laptop. I can't really afford to buy a new one asap. Maybe there is some insurance, or the university will buy me a new one? I think they should.

Sunday, November 18

Hang in there.

The t-shirts will soon start to sell. 

He tried to hang himself with a t-shirt in the prison cell in Morocco. They resuscitated him in Salé and took him to the hospital. This happened in the summer, some news write about it in July others in August. You probably wonder why I care?  Just a gangster, bank robber, carjacker etc. Well, we had an affair. A love story even. And he owes me money. Mostly that. I hope he's not dead now. The news only tell about this incident during the summer. Not what happened after. Maybe he survived, but with brain damage. Maybe he died.  We haven't spoken for many years. The phone number he used to call went out of business, it just didn't work anymore, don't know why. I think last time we spoke was in 2013. It could be that long ago. People don't know the person behind the headlines, what led up to his criminal 'carreer'. He helped me through a very difficult time in my life, just by talking to me over the phone from a prison cell in Morocco and I am grateful for that. I hope he is still alive and not contemplating another suicide attempt. 

Saturday, November 17

Happy birthday!

The most evil witch (my mother) in the world turns 70 years old today! I was not invited. I was particularly told to stay away. She's having a party with her best friend who also turns 70.

Anyway, here a funny story. 

As you remember I posted these funny and controversial Bitstrips from Facebook here earlier. Bitstrips that were originally created five years ago. Now, yesterday there is a story in the news that tells of a teacher getting caught on camera twice this year when he was standing at the side of a road masturbating wearing pink tights and a bra. So either this is a clear case of random synchronicity ( as the ones I'm investigating) or that teacher is a crazy, sick fan. Just as Kim, or Zlatan ( the monocle in the instagram book ad in the story section) .

Thursday, November 15

If you want to know the truth

Buy the book,

It's a perfect Xmas gift for the person who has everything. Especially that person with a well organized life, perfect family and conservative lifestyle. You know the type. The one you secretly wishes chaos would strike down upon. Well, this book would suffice. It's filled with chaos, nastyness and humour. I would say it's also a poetic book. It's not a regular story that has a beginning, middle and end. It's juxtaposition storytelling. Chronologically shuffled. Past, present and future mixes in a artistic avantgarde mannerism. It's definitely not a boring book, where I excuse my self with traumatic childhood experiences. Allthough they are there too. Most of all, it's eclectic and self purging. Highly recommended reading for anyone who feels stuck in their routes, mindsets or are just feeling sorry for themselves allthough they have everything. This is for you. Read it. Well, buy it first.

Wednesday, November 14

Madonna is wrong

Romanticizing guns and violence. Ti am(m)o. Yes,right. Portraying the woman as a whore. What's wrong with this world? There are guns everywhere all of a sudden. Where do they come from? There are gang shootings in Swedish small towns almost on a daily basis, knife cuttings and rapes. Pregnant women are gettings their bellys stabbed. This is sickening. Absolutely nothing beautiful about it. Stop.

Tuesday, November 13

Should I wait up?

Or are you coming tomorrow...Zlatan? I saw he was looking for me in the audience. Sorry babe, it didn't even occur to me to look for tickets.  Whenever there's an event, concert or whatever that I would have wanted to attent, I won't go if I'm not especially invited. Vampire code. No, I actually had an important meeting today, then a lecture after than, then work, so the day has been full in every aspect. But I actually looked at the Fotbollsgalan on the net. At the exact moment Zlatan came into the picture the phone rang, so I had to watch it all again after the live broadcast. That's how dedicated I am to my subject of interest. There were a lot of northern Sweden associations on the show. The dialect was heard frequently and then the performing woman in a blue glittery pyjama with the weak voice.  I think my ex drew her album cover, the one where it looks like she's sitting and front of a house. I said it then, that she had zero charisma, and that still holds. Wonder why they asked her to perform? The other singing woman, who sang the national anthem, wore one of my old dresses. I thought I left that one in Chicago, or it looked more like the Lady of the lake dress. The whole thing was a bit like a farewell to the exes and my past selves, all of those I dumped. I'm happy fooball- Sweden helped me with that. It was way more than they deserved though, but I assume the intention was to relate to my life and in this case my past. That is my solipsistic apprehension anyway. So according to the alphabet we are now at X, then I ask Y and then...I bet he's not going to show up,  If he does, I promise I will shave off my hair. I swear. I have no classes until Thursday though, so time wise I have a window. It was quite entertaining watching those football women walking around in high heels. I don't wear high heels anymore, it's not worth the risk. Imagine how it is for them then, who use their feet professionally and risk their livelihood because of oppressive dress code from last century. That's the big Y?

Sunday, November 11

Father's Day

Today it's Father's Day in Sweden. As you all know my dad died in 2011, but I still him miss very much and talk to him every day. After my dad died, my uncle became the one I called on Father's Day and whenever I felt time had gone too long without talking. In our family we have, believe it or not, telepathy. We never been much to actually speak out loud, except when needed. When spoken it was not because of the importance of the words, but the sound of the voice, to have something to remember the day the body was not alive to produce it anymore. The sound of the voice is important. Think about that next time you hears someone speak. The words might be very nice or even horrible, but the feeling you get from the sound of their voice is what reveals their intentions.

Regarding telepathy, some schools acknowledge it, others don't. Those who have something to hide are of the latter, out of fear of being revealed of course and wants to stigmatize people with open senses as insane for 'believing' in telepathy. While much research has been done about the interconnectedness of body/mind/language/emotion with the conclusion that without a certain amount of telepathy communication itself would be impossible, that knowledge has not been accepted by the fearful. Who hasn't experienced thinking about someone and then suddenly that person calls or shows up? Me and my grandmother had the most amazing telepathic connection, we always knew when the other was about to call, or when something was wrong. Maybe telepathy is stronger within biological families?

Anyway. I had many fathers in my life, or father figures, both good and bad, mostly good though. The worst was my stepdad of course, as he was a pedophile. Can't get any worse than that. I also remember my former 'father in law' today, the cabin in northern Finland that he built and the nature up there.  And all my other fathers, dead or alive.

I dreamt about my real dad this night. It was a powerful dream. He took me out to the middle of a vast ocean where the enormous waves were colliding. I was afraid of the big waves at first as they were enormous. We weren't in a boat or anywhere actually, just there, above the ocean, as shapeless and invisible beholders, as ghosts. Untouchable by the forces of nature, enjoying its splendour.