Monday, September 24

Statistic note

Just a small statistic note. Nver seen Åland listed before. Wonder who those two people on Åland right now feels when they are reading this? 👀

okänd region
Förenade Arabemiraten

Netflix junkie

Altered Carbon is a pretty good series too. With Swedish actor Joel Kinnaman. Never really contemplated how handsome he is, but am now. He's married though, with someone named Cleo. Cleo is also my second name. They married in 2016, wonder if he's tired of her already? How long does the average marriage last? Weird last name though. Almost like 'china-man'. 😆

Well, back to the books. Just a short breather. 

Sunday, September 23

How autistic am I on a scale?

I first learned about autism from a television program in the early 90's. I had just started dating Andreas and recognised the behavior immediately. The boy with autism they were doing a documentary about had almost the exact behaviors as Andreas. I didn't find his behaviors particularly odd at the time, since I could relate to much of it myself; as wanting everything very organized. When I told him about the tv programme and that I thought he had autism, he became very upset. This was not something he wanted to relate to, as being a 'mental case', but years later he gave me right and realized it was indeed what he had. A high functioning form though. I ususally adapt quite well to new surroundings, don't get panic attacks and those sort of common autistic traits, so my relation to the autism spectrum is quite light and curious. Whenever I realise I display autistic traits I become self conscious and a bit embarrassed, it can be as overly explaining things in detail,  reading all the license plates on cars or wanting to be alone. This might sound normal and not within the autism spectrum at all, except for the license plate reading. They even meantion that in the Netflix series Atypical that I just finished watching and therefore started thinking about this again. My licencese plate reading is not compulsory though, it's not something I 'must' do, but just enjoy doing. I see them as universal messages transmitted though time and space. I could write an entire book based on license plate reading. Perhaps I should, that would be so much fun. Someone will probably steal this idea now when I'm telling about it, but you can never do it like I do anyway. It can become a new genre of litterature for the extra evolved humanity,  Or,perhaps I'm just empathetic and adapting or mimicking behaviors around me. Identity is after all a floating and changeable concept. People change, grow, learn, evolve, move, get rid of traits and people that don't serve them anymore and change appearance after fashion and whim. That doesn't mean they are schizophrenic either.
I wonder what that diagnosis is called, if there is a name for it; empath, chameleon or Mystique. Metamorphosists? I suppose if you are open and cautious at the same time and search for the common ground of communication, it which requires a certain level of acceptance and adaptation to the others behavior. The autistm spectrum becomes visisble in my research, art and general pedantry. What stresses me in research is when I don't have time to indulge my pedantry and develop reasoning around every single little detail. Also in art, I never leave a painting without every part of the surface of the paper or canvas being filled or deliberately left empty. Then again, I can just drop all that, stand above it and do whatever I want. Mental blocks are meant to be crushed.

Tuesday, September 18

Feeding my obsession

Well, it's not an obsession per se, perhaps from his side. I see it more as an ongoing conversation. A conversation that is not leading anywhere though, but nontheless. I am talking about Zlatan of course and his 500 goals. In an  Instagram post he had posted " #postnumber500" ( iamzlatanibrahimovic 2018-09-16), under a tiled tasteless picture. Not #goal500 but #postnumber500. I reacted upon this and wondered if he was referring to post number 500 on this blog. I mean, since we are flirting,  I mean engaging in a conversation, this must naturally be the case. On this blog there are 1839 post of which 1137 are reverted to drafts (for special reasons) and 702 are actually published. At first I looked up post number 500 from the total 1839, but that was an obscure YouTube- video with a broken link. It basically didn't exist anymore.  Since this was one of the reverted posts I also concluded this was not the referred to post. Then I looked up post number 500 of the 702 published posts. And voilá! There it was. Encore un fois, with Tarzan, the old comic magazine. That's why I replied "Zlatan is Tarzan" to one of his Twitterposts on the 500 goal achievement. The ffunny thing is that there are surely people out there equally obsessed by me, answering to me, writing blogposts to and about me, without me having a single clue of who they are or of the content of their 'conversation' with me. But as indulged in my obsession as I am, I am blinded to it and am certain Zlatan actually is talking to me. Afterall, he's just a football player.  And remember when he acted as a psychic in that tv- show? He is so revealed.

It is a good read though and deserves to be posted encore un fois

Since it's the fourth time this Tarzan post is posted then: May the fourth be with you!

Imagine Helena when she finds his secret room with the walls plastered with pictures of me.

Sunday, September 16

Rest in peace old friend.

Just found out that Johnny, an old friend, had died yesterday.. We weren't close but it the same gang ( not the same gang as I mentioned in the post before but H was also his friend) when we were young. We went to the Roskilde festival together in 1994 and 1995 and used to sit at a bar called Pimpinella up in Luleå with the same gang in the afternoons. Unfortunately all my photos from Roskilde are gone since they were at Andreas house when he died in 2005 and his relatives took them and refused to give them back. Andreas was also in the same gang and friends with Johnny. He was a cool guy though, smart, well dressed and kind. My clock had stopped at the same time he died. Strange how that can happen. I bought new batteries and then heard of his passing and the time.

Same day as Johnny Ramone died too, in 2004.

Last time I met Johnny was in the autumn of 2004, pretty much exactly 14 years ago, when he came to visit Andreas. His girlfriend had lost a tooth ( which she got fixed later). We listened to music and talked about stuff in the news. We actually listened to my music I remember, until Andreas 'accidentally' switched if off. H and another friend N, were also there. Don't remember the name of the girlfriend though. We were six people in the room of which two now are dead.

Roleplaying gamerules.

I don't know why this popped up in my mind.

When I went to junior high I was in the same French class as Y, who was in the same gang as H. H was one year younger and still in grade school at the time. I often bumped into Y and his friends M , F, R and A hanging out in the hallway. One time the French class decided to have a disco in order to collect money for a class trip.  H came there. There were hardly any people at our disco so he was mocking us for that, stealing our home made chocolate balls, complaining about the music and he was short, fat and Finnish. There was nothing about him I liked and I saw him only as an annoyance. When we were even younger we occasionally crossed paths at the same playground. There was in particular this wooden fortress in the forest where we used to play. Me with my girls and H with his boys. One time the boys invited us to play with them. They had this roleplaying game with rules that we were supposed to obey. Roleplaying was something I considered childish and belonged in kindergarden, which I told them. I asked why we should pretend to be this and that, why we must follow the rules they had made up? If we were going to play together we should come up with rules together as well and I had much better ideas. This was not a popular so basically the boys wanted us, or just me, to leave so they could play their own roleplaying game. Later in life, when I was in a relationship with H and World of Warcraft came out, we all, the same gang ( not my girl gang though) started to play togehter . The same thing happened again. They had their rules about how the game should be played. I had a created a rebellious character and didn't want to obey their rules and again there was a conflict and they didn't want me to play with them. This is when we were adults, in our 30's. Can you imagine roleplaying gamerules hanging on so hard since childhood in the same gang that they couldn't see beyond them even as adults?

One can view this from a bigger perspective. To start with they were just mean stupid boys who never really grew up. Second, the game was never about having fun and playing, it was about learning to obey the rules. Those who didn't want to obey the rules were excluded, just as in society. It was like a miniature patriarchal society, a training ground for obedience, compliance and oppression. 

Saturday, September 15

Predator *spoiler alert*

Yep, I went to see it on the premiere day, alone. Not entirely alone, there were other people in the salon and considering it's a very small town, I probably knew a handful of them as well.
I tried asking on Facebook if anyone wanted to join me, but got no positive answers, except from a guy in Belgium, which is a bit far. One guy from the gym popped up mysteriously afterwards though. Turned out he had been there alone too. Funny coincidence or stalker warning? Just kidding, nice guy, don't think he has stalker potential , but you never know, they seem normal in the beginning, until the insanity breaks out.

I always wanted to see a Predator film in the movies, so I took my chance now, when Jane was starring as well, what could go wrong? He got killed of course , pierced through the heart with a wooden pole as if he was a vampire. High up in a tree. Remember Reek from GoT? He's in it too. Don't remember how he got killed, but pretty sure he did.  The actual Predators were supercool. I remember when I was a kid and they showed the first Predator on tv. I was so fascinated by the special effects, how it could camouflage itself among the leaves.  The film is maxed with shooting, killing, ripping bodies apart, blood, stupid/funny one-liners; all the good things you want from a film. There's no need to come with any constructive criticism, I just enjoyed it. I'm just wondering why the 3D isn't really 3D, more 3d. In the commercials for 3D the 3D looks amazing , but not in the actual film. Maybe they haven't really developed the technique enough, or you are so accustomed to it that it goes by unnoticed.

Ps. I hope I'm on Nasa's 'shortlist' for communicators when the aliens arrive.

Thursday, September 13

The ultimate solution

I was looking in the fridge wondering what I could cook from the current ingredients. I discovered I had a can of tomatoes and another can of baked white beans. Chili-con-carne? But I had no minced meat, which is an essential ingredient. Then I remembered the huge pack of minced meat that my mother brought home from the grocery store when I visited last. It made me feel very uncomfortable, because a cow, a completely innocent cow, had died for that pack of meat. That is not fair. I'm utterly against killing animals for food, fur or any other commercial interests. We don't need meat to survive, we can very well find equivalent nutricion in other products. Well, then this extremely crazy idea occured to me. We can eat people instead. The planet is overpopulated by humans so it would benefit the environment and the recuperation of nature from human destruction. This is of course highly unethical and that's why I refer to the idea as crazy, but think about the logic of it. Maybe cannibalism is the ultimate solution. The 'tricky part' would of course be to create a moral prerogative to justify this new Soilent Green Industry.  Which humans should we eat? The ones who are problematic to society of course, as criminals for example. We can have a butchery next door to the prison.  In order to supply meat to the entire society we would of course also need to place many more people in prison, which in turn means new definitions of what constitutes breaking the law, new definitons of crimes to be punished by 'meat production'.  😂

Oh well that was funny, however it is not funny for the animals living in such a reality already.

Sunday, September 9

The epitome of dystopia

Almost as scary as the Swedish election. Feels a bit early 2000, doesn't it? 90's even. Backwards in any case. Never liked them.